Coping with a Crying Child
Nothing is more touching to new parents than the cry of their baby, but your crying baby may present a dilemma to you. If you respond promptly to crying, you might feel you will spend all of your time responding to crying. A good understanding of the causes of crying and the consequences of letting children cry without a prompt adult response will help you approach crying children in the best way possible.
Babies cry for a variety of reasons. Sometimes the cause is simple discomfort, like a wet diaper or an empty stomach.
Sometimes infants cry because they are too hot or too cold. Pain, particularly pain caused by intestinal upsets, can result in lots of crying.
Some babies cry because they’re lonely.
New parents find out fairly quickly that some cries have no identifiable cause. Dealing with crying that has no apparent cause can often be the most difficult to handle.
The issue of responding to crying children is complicated by a common view that too much responsiveness may result in spoiled children. Will you spoil your baby if you respond promptly to his/her cries? Will your baby cry more or less if you give this kind of attention?
Research into this area tells us that babies who are held, cuddled, and rocked when they are distressed cry less frequently. They also cry for shorter periods if the response to crying is prompt. No research has documented that children need to cry a little while before being picked up or that promptly responding to crying increases crying.
Besides, there is an additional benefit of timely response to crying. Your baby often will respond to holding by looking around. While in this position, your baby is more likely to transition to another activity or being put down.
Try to avoid training your baby to cry, as this is how they learn to trust the world around them. When your baby cries and a trusted adult tends to their needs, they start to feel more confident about their world and will cry less frequently. On the other hand, if you try to train your baby to cry, such as using the ‘cry it out method’, you’ll find that your baby doesn’t feel that their needs are met and they won’t trust their environment and could cry longer and harder until someone arrives to help soothe them.
How should you respond to crying?
The best cure for a crying child is to pick them up, hold, cuddle, soothe, and love your baby. Each time you provide a prompt response to your baby’s cry, they’ll slowly learn to trust in you and start learning some self-soothing skills. Babies are pretty adaptable by nature.
What if you are not free to respond promptly?
If you’re unable to respond promptly to your baby’s cry, then you can consider some of the following options to help soothe your upset child.
Move Over Near the Baby
If he/she is in a crib, the sight of your face and soothing sounds from your voice commenting on the situation and the reason you cannot help right away may help. You might say something like "I'm almost finished folding the laundry. As soon as I'm through, I'll pick you up." Try to avoid comments like "You're all right." No crying child is all right. If the baby is crying, something is wrong from the child's perspective – even if we as adults don't think it is so serious.
If the child is a crawler or a toddler, move near him/her and sit down on the floor so the child can get close to you. Sometimes an elbow, knee, arm, or leg can provide the needed touch to calm a crying child even if you cannot pick him/her up. Again, use your voice to calm and soothe by talking quietly to the child or singing a favorite tune.
Consider Using a Security Item
Consider using a security item or favorite toy to help your child calm him/herself when you are not able to do so. Some children get a great deal of comfort from blankets or favorite toys. There is no reason to limit access to these types of items unless you find yourself substituting them for your attention.
When you begin to look for your child's favorite toy or blanket, ask yourself if you can respond in person rather than presenting the substitute. If the answer is yes, then do it!
Remind Child What Works
An excellent idea for coping with crying is to remind the baby or toddler what has worked before.
Children often use other self-soothing behaviors like thumb or finger sucking or holding and cuddling a toy or blanket. Remind your baby to use these things for comfort until you can get there. This will help further their independence so that you will alleviate future temper tantrums during the toddler stage.
Calm Down Area
When young toddlers get upset, they sometimes need time to calm down before they are ready for comfort.
You might designate a special place in your house for calming down. This space should be safe, cozy, and comfortable. If your toddler resists being held or comforted or begins to lose control in a tantrum, walk together to the “calm down” area, and sit nearby until your child is more receptive to being comforted.
Provide Visualization
Sometimes parents contribute to crying cycles. They tense up and send stressful messages to their baby through voice tone and muscle tension. Every infant and toddler parent should learn a few relaxation techniques that work.
Try slow, deep breaths or visualizing the baby when he/she is happy and content so you can help the crying child relax and regain control.
Take a Break
If nothing works, most pediatricians recommend taking a break. Put your baby down in his/her crib, tell your baby that you will be back, and go to another room of the house. After 3-4 minutes, check-in, and remind the baby that you will be back soon.
Sometimes babies are overstimulated and just need to let off steam. Their central nervous systems are very sensitive and can get overloaded during a busy or hectic day. If this happens, expect crying to persist longer than usual as your baby reorganizes to face new interactions or sleep.
Finally, remember that crying is your baby’s first communication technique. Crying is his/her way of talking to you. At first, you may not know the language, but as you get to know your baby better, you will find that you can read his/her cries more and more accurately as time passes. Accept crying as your baby’s very first language – a special language just between you.
If you’re looking to learn more about this stage in childhood, feel free to join our Parent Advisor private Facebook group today!