I am vs. I feel. Nurturing your child's inner dialogue.
Every child is taught from a very early age to say what they are feeling as opposed to what is happening. If you ask your child how they feel, most likely they will reply with something like "good" or "bad". They may even tell you that things make them mad or sad. After a while this becomes second nature and children learn to think in this way.
This is an unbalanced mindset. If children are never taught how to actualize what they feel, then when faced with a difficult situation they will become stuck and not be able to move forward in life, leaving them feeling helpless and hopeless.
I want to propose a different model for thinking. I call it the inner dialogue model of externalizing problems which allows children to shift their thinking from being stuck in feeling bad to finding solutions for how they can improve a situation or solve a problem.
The Inner Dialogue Model consists of two parts: the first part is the inner soundtrack and the second part is externalizing problems.
Every child has an inner dialogue that plays in their head about themselves and other people. The words we use to talk to ourselves make up what I call the inner soundtrack. This inner soundtrack consists of sentences such as "I feel like a failure," or "everyone thinks I am stupid."
The problem with these types of thoughts is that when children constantly tell themselves how they feel it limits their ability to find solutions for solving problems. The inner dialogue model helps children externalize what is in their head so that they can look at the world realistically and not based on feelings alone.
What will happen if you ask your child what is really happening? Many children will try to explain what is happening, but most likely it will be in the form of an excuse. For example, they may tell you that their friend rejected them because he likes another girl or that they failed at finishing their homework because the teacher gave too much work.
After doing this for a while children begin to internalize what is happening. They start to believe that what is happening around them is the cause of their feelings. By externalizing problems, children are able to shift their thinking from feeling bad about themselves to finding solutions for how they can improve a situation or solve a problem.
To help you better understand this model, here are some examples of inner dialogues and inner soundtracks that children may use and how to externalize problems.
Inner dialogue: "I hate my teacher."
Internalizing problem: She is making me do all of the reading for class, so I think she hates me!
Externalizing problem: My teacher is asking us to read 20 pages every night because it will help us understand what we are doing in class. I should ask her what page she wants me to read for homework tonight so that I won't get confused.
Inner dialogue: "No one likes me."
Internalizing problem: Since my friend said he didn't want to be friends after school, everyone thinks that I am weird.
Externalizing problem: I need to figure out why my friend said what he did. Maybe he is having a hard time at home. I should ask him if there is anything I can do to help or if there is another place that he would like to meet up after school.
Inner dialogue: "I hate violin."
Internalizing problem: My mom's friend made fun of me because I wasn't as good as the other students.
Externalizing problem: Maybe my mom's friend was just surprised that I can play the violin so well. I should ask her if there is any way that she could help me practice better so that next time we can show off how much we've improved.
Many kids have a difficult time connecting with their feelings. They are so caught up in the drama of what is happening around them that they forget to step back and ask themselves how they feel about it.
By asking them "what is really happening?" you are giving the child an opportunity to connect with their feelings, but also looking at the situation more realistically.
This is especially important for children who struggle with depression or anxiety. When these children are constantly told to think differently about what is happening, they build the connection between their inner dialogue and feelings of sadness.
In conclusion, this is very important in helping children cope with difficult situations, such as having divorced parents or losing someone close to them. It also helps them not hold onto feelings of sadness and anger for too long.
At Peake Academy Digital Preschool, we know what it takes to support your child in their individual learning goals.
Whether you are a busy Stay-at-home mother or dad, going back to work full time, or starting to homeschool. Maybe, a family member is helping watch the kids a couple of days a week. Perhaps, you intuitively feel your child needs a little extra help with letter sounds. We understand what it takes to foster your child’s early childhood education. We know the amount of energy that goes into supporting your child in navigating the stresses, and the victories. Wearing the teacher hat can feel at times exhausting, defeating, and even lonely.
This is why we created our Peake Academy Digital Preschool Program Membership! The value in community support, at your fingertips resources, and hands-on tools to assist you in this stage of your child’s learning and development.
Have you been looking for a warm and supportive community while you embark on a year of Preschool learning with your child? To claim your spot, visit our website for our Founding Members Pre-registration. Also, join us over at our Parent Advisor Facebook Group for expert tips and resources! See you there!
Thank you for reading this content. We hope this blog will help you nurture your child’s inner dialogue and help them connect with their feelings.
Here’s a FREE How Do you Feel Today? Printable to help your child express how they feel, made by Peake Academy At Home.
Visit our Parent Advisor and The Buzz Blogs to learn more about related topics and parenting tips. You are welcome to join our private Parent Advisor Facebook group. It’s a growing community of parents and preschool teachers where you can learn and share more parenting tips.